Worst Rock Lyrics

Maybe not really the “worst” rock lyrics ever, but here are lines I cringe at whenever I hear them:

“My shavin’ razor’s cold, and it stings…” Whoever says “shavin’ razor”? And what is how a shaving razor feels doing in a love song? (Daydream Believer, The Monkees, courtesy of Neil Diamond)
“Names have been changed, dear, to protect you and I.” There are numerous examples of lyrics that confuse the objective and subjective forms of the first-person pronoun, often, as here, for reasons of rhyme, but this one stands out, coming at the very climax of this heartfelt ballad. (My True Story, The Jive Five)
“Caught between the longing for love and the struggle for the legal tender.” C’mon, who has ever said they struggle “for the legal tender”? Jackson Browne is a great lyricist, but he apparently dug himself too big a hole by needing rhymes for a song titled “The Pretender.” The next one, “the junk man pounds his fender,” isn’t much better. Compare this to another great lyricist, Jimmy Buffett, who came up with “booze in the blender” down in Margaritaville. (The Pretender, Jackson Browne)
“Love is like a stove, burns you when it’s hot.” Perhaps the least romantic description of love on record. What it follows is no more poetic: “Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain.” (Love Hurts, Everly Bros.)
“Now I’ve found/that the world is round/and of course, it rains every day.” Early Bee Gees were my favorite group but for their soulful tunes and sweet harmonies, not their simplistic, even absurd, lyrics–e.g., “And the lights all went out in Massachusetts,” “Lemons never do forget,””New York Mining Disaster 1941.” (World, Bee Gees)
“They said you were gonna put me on a shelf.” Don Henley is a wordsmith, Glenn Frey not so much, so this is probably Frey. “Self,” “myself” and “yourself” are all useful words in a love song, but unfortunately their only rhyme is “shelf,” which leads to this tortured locution. (Already Gone, The Eagles)
“She’s giving me excitations.” The only use of this word from physics in rock music, or mainstream prose, in a forced rhyme with “vibrations.” (Good Vibrations, Beach Boys)
“Can’t get no girlie action.” Unintelligible as Mick sings it, my Internet sources alternatively cite the lyric as “girl reaction” and “girl with action.” None of these, however, is a phrase a human has ever uttered. (Satisfaction, Rolling Stones)
“No one heard at all, not even the chair.” Thanks to Dave Barry for this one. Does anyone think a chair can hear? (I Am, I Said, Neil Diamond)

List in progress…