Elvis – 4

A ridiculous cartoon version of Elvis Presley’s life that, amazingly, is neither fun to watch or listen to. The real Elvis was sexy, dangerous and larger than life; Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis is mild, pretty and vanilla, a seeming leftover from the cast of Beverly Hills 90210. Elvis’s stage presence and movements were electric; Austin Butler’s hip-wiggles and shimmies just look silly. Perhaps worst of all: with one of the greatest musical catalogues of all time presumably available, Luhrmann repeatedly trots out two of Elvis’s least melodic songs–That’s All Right, Mama and Hound Dog–and covers the credits with hip-hop! Instead of Don’t Be Cruel, Love Me Tender, Marie’s the Name, Don’t, I Want You, Need You, Love You, All Shook Up, I Can’t Help Falling in Love, etc., we are force-fed the odious character of Col. Tom Parker. Tom Hanks is hard to watch on a good day, but adding 100 pounds around his middle, eventually removing his hair and giving him a stupid, from-nowhere accent made me back off the picture every time he showed up–and for some reason Luhrmann has chosen to tell the story through Parker’s ugly eyes. In the end, this is more a horror film–The Grip of the Zombie–than a film that was either joyous or tragic about Elvis. As the NY Times reviewer noted: Elvis is as much a biopic as “Heartbreak Hotel” is a Yelp review.